Everyone seems to be obsessed with romantic love. Romantic love is, in fact, a modern concept. But there are other types of love. Do we neglect other forms of love by remaining preoccupied with romantic love?
Types of Love
Romantic love – This lover continuously thinks about the loved one. He is jealous, unrealistic, and can tolerate anything. He could be attracted by physical appearance and needs repeated assurance from the loved one in return.
This type of love lasts for a few years until the baby is through nursing and can walk and run.
Best friend or companionate love –This lover enjoys the proximity companionship or intimacy of a close friendship.
This form of love is gradual, slowly developing, trusting, and committed, not intense, desperation, or sexual obsession.
Unselfish love – This lover is dedicated, self-sacrificing, and gives love without expecting anything in return. He’s gentle, caring, and dutiful.
Logical love –This lover carefully selects the “right person” with compatible interests, similar education, and religion, a harmonious personality, common values, and long-term goals.
Game-playing love –This person may be charming but he or she is hardly a lover, only interested in the dating game, relishes meeting, impressing, seducing, and shows no commitment.
Beliefs and Myths about Love
- Love grows after marriage or Love ends after the marriage.
- People who are in love are crazy or wise marries for love.
- Whether love happens at first sight or love develops after being known to each other for years.
- Love solves most of the problems of life or it’s one way of finding happiness or you can’t live with a man/woman and you can’t live without them.
- Love is nature’s trick to ensure the species or Love and sex are two different things.
- Whether love is the only thing needed for a good marriage, love wins all–or–Constant work and many coping skills are needed to maintain a marriage.
- Love is blind or an addiction–or—Marriages are made in heaven.
- People who are in love shouldn’t have sex until they are married–or- Sex is the most intense and noble expression of love.
- Love dominates all other interests in other people–or–You can love two people at the same time.
- Love is just between a man and woman–or–Love between two women or two men is exactly the same as between straights.
Analyze the above-mentioned statements. You will find that sometimes both of these different statements are true. Sometimes, these are questionable. Yet these statements play a major role in thinking about forms of love. But these statements will definitely help you in knowing the rationality of love.
Types of Love and Lovers
There are many types of lovers and is expressed and felt in many ways. Falling in love can be frightening, vulnerable, ego-boosting, reassuring, and fun. Attachment is a complex combination of approaches and avoidances, come-ons and defenses.
Dance-away lover: He’s an expert at wooing but fears for permanency. This fades away after a few months. This lover although initially successful in assuming the relationship will fail may reject it in due time.
Anxious Ingénue or Beginner Lover: He’s insecure, and rushes into love without evaluating the partner. When the relationship settles down, he or she begins to see the mistakes.
Disarmer: He is warm and understanding and tries to protect the lover from all stress and pain, often degrading his own rights and emotional needs in order to please the lover. This self-sacrifice may be tiresome.
The provider: He concentrates more on action than words, more tactile than verbal because of underlying insecurity.
The prize winner: He seems to do everything right. He seems to be the best, doing well at work, and a great lover.
The pleaser: He or she tends to be different. He/she lives to please others and asks for nothing in return. This may be due to fear of failure or wanting to be a martyr.
The fragile lover: He is so scared of life’s problems and feels helpless and seeks a partner whom he/she can depend on, who will protect him/her.
- Secure lover–comfortable, trusted, and never worry about being hurt.
- Anxious lover—wants closeness but seems to hold back.
- Avoidant lover—doesn’t need a lot of closeness, feels independent, and doesn’t want to depend on others or have them depending on me.